After my neighbor helped me get up the stairs, I took a pain pill and promptly fell asleep. Until I needed to pee. Knowing I could not make it to the bathroom I considered bed wetting. Realizing I was also not able to change the bed, I nixed that idea.
Luckily, I had a McDonald’s cup by the bed. An empty, size large, McDonald’s cup. Thank you Jesus.
Desperate times, call for desperate measures. I went back to sleep, until the urge to pee came calling again. By now, my pain meds had kicked in and I thought I could use the crutches I had, to navigate to the bathroom. Yeah.
So I make it half way to the bathroom when I suddenly feel like I am burning up. My first thought was: This must be what people mean when they say it hurt so bad they almost threw-up. My second thought was, this must be what people mean when they say it hurt so bad, they almost passed out. And my third thought was, how did I end up on the floor and why does my head hurt?
Realizing I have passed out and possibly hit my head, I look in the direction of my dog, Eleanor Olivia Eudora Harper (Eleanor for short), thinking she’s channeled her inner Lassie and gone for help. Nope. She’s comfortable ensconced in her Martha Stewart comforter, looking at me without a care in the world. Didn’t even come to sniff me.
Realizing I was on my own, I crawled back to bed, used my McDonald’s cup again, and worked my way up into the bed.
Morning finally came and so did my friend, to take me to the ortho.